


Heroes (and other morbid jokes)

by Ourliazo



Series: Kakashi Ex Machina [4]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Efficiency is key, Fourth Shinobi War, Gen, Humour, Kakashi isn't BAMF but he gets shit done, Kakashi-centric, Kid Hatake Kakashi, Little Murder Child Kakashi, Missing-Nin Hatake Kakashi, Missing-nin team mates, Not A Fix-It, Saving the world nukenin style, Third Shinobi War, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:40:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 15,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23983939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ourliazo/pseuds/Ourliazo
Summary: Kakashi is rather suddenly thrown back in time with a make-shift team of other shinobi to fix the mess of a war against Kaguya before it even begins. Now in a body too small and watching his dad collect supplies for that disastrous mission, well…he doesn’t hesitate to push a Raikiri straight through his dad’s stomach.(Missing-nin Kakashi with brutal efficiency ‘cause he’s got no time for your bullshit.)
Series: Kakashi Ex Machina [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/890250
Comments: 193
Kudos: 1213
Collections: Behold the Sacred Texts, Works That Will Not Leave You Alone





	1. didn't sign up for this

The research team had been frantically rushing through Tobirama's old inventions, pooled together with the other villages' sealed scrolls in hopes that something of use would appear to help in the war effort against Kaguya.

It wasn't much of a war at that point, mainly groups of resistance fighters too stubborn to die.

Kakashi had heard about it but wasn't involved in the research, occupied instead with executing quick hit and run missions on the zetsu clones, or cutting down those plant pods and ferrying the people inside to the scattered medic tents to see if a treatment -anything at all- could wake them up.

He didn't belong to any of the pockets of resistance, spent most of his time alone because he did the suicide runs and his teammates never survived very long. All of his ninken were dead, most of his friends as well, the Konoha shinobi he knew too busy to maintain contact.

He barely even heard from Sakura near the end, though she made a point of leaving messages for him at different outposts.

It was group Cah-4-8, in Suna, that were doing the research. Kakashi happened to be there when Kaguya attacked and Gaara ordered him down into the basement levels of the sand building before he could join the other shinobi in the fight.

Kakashi went blindly, thinking that they were trying to run and he needed to help seal up equipment, maybe they were rigging the whole place with explosives.

About fifty people were clustered in a huge sealing array painted on the floor and ceiling, some Kakashi knew -from the Bingo Book mostly- and others he didn't.

More people were running around the outside, careful not to step into the markings. An Iwa woman, civilian, ushered him into the array without question. He was grabbed by an A-ranked Kumo missing-nin and dragged further into the crowd.

Kakashi heard several last warnings, from the researchers frantically rushing about or from the people with him.

_It was going to be a throw, nothing precise. Try to reach the meeting places, warn the others if you're going to deviate from major events._

_Hold on._

Kakashi went still, body coiling as several dangerous and unknown shinobi grabbed onto him and each other. Clearly no one was comfortable, but they did it anyway, which meant shit was about to hit the fan.

Orochimaru reached out for his wrist but Kakashi pulled back and twisted until more people let go of him. One Suna woman linked arms with him and a few more held his clothes but he could still get out if he really needed to. 

And then the world spun away and Kakashi was torn apart.

He sits up now. In a body too small, too weak. Pathetic. All that training and effort gone to waste, what a sad soldier he is now. How is he supposed to do anything if he can't even see over the kitchen counter?

Kakashi looks around, cataloguing immediate useful weapons in his vicinity. His dad is in the living room. Kakashi's chakra pathways are shit. His weapons are in his closet, along with armour.

Kakashi has no definite information about the current date that he can see, so he slides out of bed and opens the door a crack to peer down the hallway at the calendar up on the living room wall.

Ah. Kakashi does remember this day rather well. He has dreamt of this moment, revisited here in his nightmares many times, has made detailed plans down to the second.

Can't take missions when there's a hole through your stomach, can you, dad?

But Kakashi has a mission himself, doesn't he? Kakashi doesn't know what he needs to be doing, but he should be doing something. He could track down the others who travelled with him, ask what the hell is happening before he changes things too much.

Sakumo passes across his line of sight, collecting supplies that the man lays out on the floor, ready to be packed.

"Dad?" Kakashi calls out before he can stop himself. He clears his throat. _You are better than this, play the part._ "Dad, when do you have to leave?"

"By noon," Sakumo calls back distractedly.

Kakashi changes clothes, grabs his weapons and heads out to the backyard. He catalogues his range of motion and speed, doing stretches and flips, making sure to kick off the trees hard enough to dent the bark. Better than he hoped, at least for this timeline when he's so weak.

He does taijutsu practice on the hardened dummies. His hands and feet start to sting after only an hour. That needs to change. This body will never be as good as when he's in his prime, Kakashi understand that, but he can't help but be disappointed.

Strength and chakra amount are never going to be his best option in this body, so he really needs to increase his physical speed and chakra control for the lesser ranked but still useful attacks. That first, address the rest later when he can at least hold his own.

He starts on jutsu next, casting fire that licks along the ground. He shifts the dirt, splashes water over the grass and throws some kunai and shuriken around the place. He then retreats further into the back, away from the house and hiding in the trees.

Raikiri is icy blue and his chakra strains with the force of it. Not the best. It'll have to do.

Kakashi lets the lightning die down and moves back to the open training area. "Dad!" He pauses. "Come outside, I want to show you something."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have not read past the Wave mission tbh. Been reading too many time travel fics and wanted something more … efficient, instead of fluff friendly.
> 
> Fix-its are great but I want cool ninja stuff and missing-nin Kakashi running around with brutal efficiency is *chefs kiss*.


	2. should have held on

Kakashi obediently sits in the chair beside his dad's hospital cot, the man's long hair almost blending with the white pillows.

A training accident, everyone quickly concluded even without Kakashi's careful guidance. Look at the damage to the yard, look at the weapons thrown about. Unfortunate accident really; Sakumo distracted with his new mission and his son too excited, showing off a new and untested jutsu with more power than he can control.

It was a bad injury, all the way through Sakumo's stomach but somehow not catching anything important. Good thing the boy's hands are so small.

Kakashi had pretended not to see the ANBU who had hung around for a while. Flickering hand signs say that they didn't understand why Sakumo was needed for the mission, why an ANBU unit wasn't sent instead of regular jonin if it's so important. They left soon after.

The door opens and Kakashi turns to see Orochimaru step into the room and lock the door behind him. The man immediately sees the silencing seals, scrawled on torn up bits of paper with the crayons the nurse gave him.

The Sanin sneers but knows they can talk freely, to a point. "Subtle, boy."

"I don't believe I asked for your opinion," Kakashi says pleasantly. "How long have you been here?"

"Four years."

Kakashi checks the position of the setting sun through the window. "Seven hours." Maybe he really should have held on better when the researchers told him to.

"Your father will have to die, he knows too much," Orochimaru points out.

"Do you have an in with Danzo?" Kakashi asks instead.

The Sanin raises an eyebrow.

"I was planning on checking the cave where Obito was lost," Kakashi explains. Everyone knows the story by now, Obito was a great enemy despite only being a puppet in the end. "But if I need to join ROOT to get close to Danzo, then I have to stay in the village."

"He is being kept in check so far," Orochimaru muses, accepting the reasoning. "His ROOT is useful, I've been sending them to kill Zetsu clones." Orochimaru narrows his eyes. "Stay away from the cave. We already have plans for that."

"The Uchiha are also useful," Kakashi continues, not promising anything.

"I'm working on it," Orochimaru dismisses. "I have years."

"You've already had years," Kakashi murmurs. "Inefficient." He tries to leap away when the man lurches at him.

Orochimaru snatches Kakashi up by the back of the straps on his clothes, hissing in anger. "Such a pity, how the boy was hiding injuries and died at his father's bedside."

"Shisui used to complain about the loudest Uchiha elders," Kakashi says casually, dangling in the man's grip. "Never said too much, but it was about the coup. I'll kill them on my way out, you wait until Danzo takes the eyes from their bodies to reveal his experiments, then take over ROOT completely when he gets executed so you can use them properly without having to forge Danzo's orders every time."

Orochimaru pointedly bounces Kakashi a few times in the air. "You and what army?"

"I could try for the 'underestimated child' assassination tactic, that usually works," Kakashi admits. "But if there's no time constraints, going for the medication is better. I already got into their hospital files while I've been here, they mostly the share same scripts."

Spread out the poison in small undetectable amounts, so when they take all of the medication it'll be a large enough dose to kill them.

Orochimaru hums. "How are you going to make it seem like a natural death if they all drop off at the same time?"

"You can spread out the deaths."

"Me? My position is too delicate to risk being caught killing people," Orochimaru denies and drops Kakashi on the ground. "You'll stay here, Danzo will be executed for line-theft and then I'll send you off to the other travellers to assist their missions."

Kakashi frowns, adjusting his clothes. "Are we the only ones from Konoha?"

"The other one ran off to some Tea country shack," Orochimaru scoffs. "Showed up about five years ago and planned to live the rest of the time in luxury before the world ends again. I'll get rid of her later when I'm not so busy."

"Get ROOT to finish the elders off then," Kakashi suggests. "Actually, tell Danzo the plan and make him do it, then force a failed mission so the Uchiha find out and think he was taking their eyes all along."

Orochimaru raises an eyebrow. "And why are you so intent on leaving Konoha as fast as possible?"

Kakashi gestures at his body. "I'm still in the academy and I'm not waiting until I hit jonin again to be useful."

"How old are you?"

"Thirty-one."

"How old is this body?"

Kakashi crosses his arms. "Where will I be stationed? I can assist with infiltration or run messages."

The Sanin drops the subject because it really doesn't matter in the end. "You have a month to get your level to at least passable then meet at the Iwa border, Tang lake. I'll contact the others and let them know we have a child to use." He narrows his eyes. "Now stop stalling for time and kill your father."

"I gave him a roofie, he won't remember what I actually did," Kakashi assures. "Dad hit his head really hard, it's only natural he can't remember some things."

Orochimaru scowls. "If you're lying, I'll kill him myself. We'll talk more later."

Kakashi nods and locks the door again after the Sanin leaves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone loves a dialogue info dump, it's fine!
> 
> I was thinking about making Kakashi just blitz through a couple assassinations but then who would control Konoha? Therefore we have Orochimaru, who is still an asshole but he's directing all that energy into getting shit done, which Kakashi can appreciate.


	3. not a good son

Sakumo begins to wake up faster than Kakashi is really prepared for. Mentally, at least. Kakashi has already locked the door and the silencing seals were really meant for this conversation instead of for Orochimaru's benefit. The paper seals are all hidden from Sakumo's view at least.

Kakashi quickly takes out the plastic-packaged needle and small bottle of slow release sedative. He preps the needle, sucks up some of the clear fluid and injects it into the catchment of the IV drip before storing the equipment away into a scroll to be burned later and takes a seat again.

Sakumo opens his eyes and goes from sleep-dazed to alert in a split second like all good Shinobi despite the haziness that comes with the good drugs still in the man's system.

Kakashi carefully doesn't move, even when his dad looks at him with confusion. There is a war coming in this time, friends could be dead while enemy shinobi walk in their skins, or people can be convinced - threatened - tortured into following orders.

Sakumo is a good shinobi, surely he thinks of the possibility, even if he doesn't actually remember what happened. Or maybe Kakashi is jaded.

Sakumo sits up using only his arms but the wince implies he can feel the odd sensation of a pull at his stitches, despite the medication keeping it all painless. He stuffs a pillow behind him to keep himself propped up.

"Sorry," Kakashi says quietly, kicking his legs a bit through the air to enforce the idea of him being a child. "It was my fault."

The man frowns. "And what did happen?"

"It was a training accident," Kakashi mumbles, keeping his eyes on the ground.

"I see." Sakumo says and looks down at himself. "Well, you did a really nice job of it." He huffs out a laugh and grimaces when the injury is jostled.

"I ruined the mission for you," Kakashi admits, quieter. "They sent someone else."

"Oh, pup," Sakumo sighs but he has already turned inwards, trying to guess at the consequences of this. "Sometimes accidents happen. Don't worry, there are plenty of other strong shinobi in Konoha that can do the mission just as well."

Sakumo's original team will probably soon be killed, maybe before they can ever get to the mission site. It causes the war to escalate, after all, and that's a loss of resources and personnel that can later be used against Kaguya.

Kakashi isn't certain of this happening, but if Kakashi had planned this time travel adventure, he would ensure the whole team died to be on the safe side.

"Come here," Sakumo says, moving the blankets around to make some space.

Kakashi climbs up onto the bed. "I can stay here if you want?"

Not that Sakumo will be awake much longer.

"Do you have anywhere else to be?" Sakumo wonders, pulling Kakashi in until the boy is lying on his shoulder.

"I was looking at a D-rank," Kakashi admits. "It's a little merchant escort mission, just to the closest outpost then some chunin will take over."

The mission is real, and Kakashi already forged the paperwork for him to take it, lost under many other scrolls at the mission desk. If someone looks, the mission got passed around the career genin and then somehow ended up in the small basket meant for last-year Academy students to get extra credit.

Kakashi rarely ever took the optional missions the first time through, just because it's all weeding or painting fences, simple and Academy-friendly, finished within an hour. It's logical that he saw this odd one and decided it was going to be interesting. Unfortunate mix-up, awful mistake.

"An escort?" Sakumo echoes. "Outside?"

Kakashi nods, pasting a on a small but excited smile behind his mask. "It's going to be a real mission."

Sakumo melts a little bit but still stays cautious. "Who are you going with?"

"I don't need anyone," Kakashi huffs. He peeks up at Sakumo and sees the man is flagging. "Do you want some water or anything? Does it hurt? Lie down again."

"It's fine," Sakumo tries.

Kakashi pours him a glass of water before nudging him around until the man is back to lying down. Sakumo moves slower than he should be, even with the injury. The sedative is already wearing away at him.

"It's safe?" Sakumo continues. "Shouldn't someone go with you?"

"I'm big now," Kakashi soothes and cuddles back up, wanting to stay close while he can. "I'm very strong, top of my class."

Sakumo raises a hand and holds Kakashi's cheek. "My pup is so big, isn't he? Almost four and a half?"

"It doesn't matter. I'm old enough." Kakashi leans into the hand.

They talk about the Academy, Kakashi making up absolute bullshit because he can't remember anything. He mostly talks about Gai and Rin, about the other kids who grow into comrades. He stays away from Obito's name because he doesn't know.

It's understandable if Orochimaru killed Obito to stop the boy from becoming a threat. No need to let that risk grow. Kakashi just isn't going to think about it.

Minato isn't his teacher yet but Kakashi makes sure to tell Sakumo how nice the man seems when Kakashi notices him around the place, and what a great friend the blond would be.

Sakumo keeps murmuring idle questions to keep the conversation going but he's already slipping away.

"Love you," Sakumo murmurs, eyes closed and grip lax on Kakashi's shoulder.

Kakashi watches the man fall asleep.

After a while, he slips off the bed and packs up all the evidence in the room, tucking it into the sealing scroll with the needle and sedative before burning it.

He rechecks his gear, reads through the C-rank mission again. He still has two hours until he needs to meet at the gates, but he can't stand being in this room anymore.

He slips out of the window and heads for the gates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi has done all of this in like several hours, because he spent the morning training to get used to his body while setting up the 'accident'. Basically ran around going through confidential hospital files, stealing equipment to drug Sakumo and forging the mission scroll plus planting the paper trail for it - all while Sakumo was in surgery.


	4. the other travellers

He henges some clones into vague missing-nin and trashes the merchant cart. The clone of himself kills most of the other clones but falls to the last one in a fireball that burns hot enough to raze the cart to ashes as well as all the corpses.

The last missing-nin clone then runs off with some money that Kakashi will use to keep himself afloat while he travels. The two merchants are upset by losing so many valuables and they spit on where Kakashi's corpse should be, having already made it very clear what they thought of a child being assigned to them.

Kakashi tracks Skaumo's original team at first, at a dead sprint for three days to catch up. He follows them lagging at an hour back for one more day before a Kiri-nin comes in fast and low.

S-rank and looking like a young man in bandages and pants of dark blue hues, Yobun'na was raised by his family to be one of the Seven Swordsman but he enjoys using ninja wire much more than a blade. His entire family hung themselves from the shame, apparently. No one bothered to question the very abrupt and suspicious end of his sword-obsessed family.

Kakashi reminds himself that the mission is more important than Konoha, and maybe it works because he doesn't feel a thing when the three-man team is sliced open from the chakra-sharp wire.

Kakashi moves forward through the treetops until he crouches on a branch above the Kiri-nin.

Yobun'na pulls and the bloody wire leaves the bodies to re-wrap itself around his bandaged forearms and torso. He looks up at Kakashi, contemplative. "I didn't know you were going to be one of us."

Kakashi hums. "Last minute decision. Have you taken over Kirigakure yet?"

"Working on it," Yobun'na sighs. "It's difficult to be firm but subtle at the same time."

"Who needs subtle? Kiri is a shit-show on the best day," Kakashi points out.

Yobun'na only raises an eyebrow. "Leave the Kiri matters to me, Sharingan..." He pauses, registering the two grey eyes. "Copy Cat? Copy Kitten?"

"Let's not," Kakashi decides for the man.

Yobun'na laughs.

"On a side note though," Kakashi muses. "If Kiri's merry band of Seven Swordsmen kills Might Dai, their legacy ends with my fist through their chests."

Yobun'na narrows his eyes and the wires around his body begin to slither. "You killed Zabuza with some genin toddling around your knees, didn't you?"

"I've killed a lot of people, excuse me for not keeping track."

Yobun'na turns to walk away. "Stay away from Kiri, I'll make them stay clear of Konoha unless it's future business." He pauses and glances back over his shoulder, sympathy in his eyes. "Get a headband, you're looking a little lost without it."

"Are you offering a Kiri one?" Kakashi calls out as the other man disappears through the trees.

Kakashi does feel off balance, a bit adrift because he doesn't know what's happening in this timeline and he no longer has a village to anchor himself anymore. Maybe a headband will help. Maybe he should get an Alliance one made.

Pity he has no time for aesthetics.

* * *

Kakashi sets a fast but maintainable pace after that, avoiding any conflicts or patrolling teams. He still encounters Orochimaru's snake anyway.

"Come back later," the small snake says, curled up in Kakashi's bedding to hide from the cold. "I'll have a new eye for you."

"I really don't need a Sharingan again," Kakashi insists.

The snake hisses, only repeating a message, and puffs away in smoke.

Three days later, Kakashi almost trips over another one.

"You are more useful with a Sharingan," the snake insists. "This is war, you need to be at your best."

Kakashi sighs. "I don't need it, it saps my chakra and I still remember all the jutsu I memorised with it. It's fine."

The next snake tries to eat Kakashi's foot when he mistakes it for a branch and steps on it.

"I believe I can fix that draining issue," the snake says. "If I have to hold you down, I will make it painful."

Kakashi rolls his eyes. "Because that makes me feel infinitely better about the operation. Still a firm no, thank you."

The next day, Kakashi finds the 'Tea country shack' that other traveller hid herself away inside. She opens the door and immediately recognises him.

* * *

Another snake lies on his shoulders as Kakashi bandages the deep gouge on the side of his chest with small hands shaking from exhaustion.

He gets it tied off and then just sits there at the burnt dining table, the woman's corpse bleeding into the vegetable garden out in the back.

Kakashi sighs because he really does a fast boost in power. "If it's a dead person, who died in a non-suspicious manner, I'll think about it."

The snake bobs its head.

"And can-" Kakashi pauses as his vision blacks out with spots, blinking until it fades away. "Can you tell me what the details of this mission are? The other Konoha traveller is...she's not much help."

The snake after that vomits up a large scroll with all the details only keyed into Kakashi's blood. He's not going to question how Orochimaru managed that. He's also going to take all of this information with a grain of - no, whole heaping of salt because this is Orochimaru and Kakashi can't trust the man.

Kakashi gets names of all the forty-two travellers, the contact points, the main goals and missions to be accomplished in certain timeframes plus a timeline of all major events that played into Kaguya's summoning.

Kakashi's name features a few times, usually when referencing Obito but pops up next to Naruto too.

Some travellers have marks next to their names, whether they've been confirmed to be back in time or not. Most of them have travelled already quite a while ago, which means Kakashi is more than a bit late, as per usual.

About a quarter of them are dead; being too close to known Zetsu activity, getting involved in things they hadn't before, or just no explanation given. That's thirty-one potential allies left, only six still unaccounted for.

Twenty-five people to stop the end of the world.

Goals or missions have been ticked off with the associated traveller's name next to it. Sakumo's original mission is there, crossed out with Yobun'na's signature.

One of the names is Jiraya, right next to a note on the Akatsuki, and again with Obito. There's a comment that Obito was taken to Ame to be trained up with the other Akatsuki orphans in case stronger soldiers are needed later.

Orochimaru, you hypocrite. So Sakumo has to die to keep the knowledge secret but you can get Jiraya in on it? Maybe even Tsunade?

There's another scroll, a small piece of paper once again telling Kakashi to meet at the Iwa border, Tang lake. Fine, okay, he understands orders. He doesn't know the situation, what's been changed, it would be stupid to mess with any plans they already have especially when he's this weak.

After memorising everything, Kakashi burns it and heads for the nearest town to rest up. He has a little bit less than a month to get his body in working order.

He could make it to Ame after training?

No, finish the mission and then he can relax.

Ame borders Iwa so if he has time-

Stop! Focus on training. He can't run all the way to Ame and waste his time on trying to find a boy who doesn't even know him instead of preparing for this mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not a big fan of Obito (or Itachi - don't get me started on this asshole), but Kakashi has survivor's guilt so here we go.
> 
> Also, have not read Naruto so I'm not sure who survived the 4th war, do help out with people that might be in his team or else everyone is going to be an OC.


	5. assassination nostalgia

Kakashi looks up when a shinobi guard sees him squatting behind a large pot plant, in a side hall of the biggest house in the compound.

Kakashi jolts and his brown eyes go wide, shaking his head quickly so blond hair flops around. "It's not bedtime yet!" He has fifteen minutes left.

The guard rolls his eyes and keep walking. Kakashi waits until the man leaves and then darts down the hall, ducking into the room being patrolled just as his target approaches from the other direction at a stumble, drunkenly laughing with two other women giggling along in the background.

Kakashi slips across the garishly decorated bedroom, bright colours seen even in the darkness of night, and crawls under the bed.

It doesn't take long for the man and two women to fall onto the mattress, then Kakashi rolls out and throws kunai into their throats before slipping out of the window in the moonlight and joining the other children playing tag in the yard. He blends in right before a squad of shinobi dart across the rooftops.

Ten minutes later, Kakashi leaves in the chaos when the nannies come out to drag the children inside for bedtime.

* * *

Kakashi ducks around people's swinging hands and large bags as he darts down the road of the marketplace in Tetsu no Kuni. He pushes black hair out of his eyes and sees a brief hand sign from a woman, between a stall for fresh vegetables and one selling kitchen utensils.

"Baby, mummy is here!" she croons, opening her arms. An A-rank missing-nin from Taki known for seducing and killing noble women.

He pushes through the crowd and she scoops him up when he gets close enough. Kakashi is sat on a hip and he winds his arms around her neck, resting his head against her shoulder.

"Oh, baby boy, mummy has missed you today!" she plants a dozen wet kisses all over Kakashi's face and bounces him just to be an asshole.

Kakashi keeps chakra for a raikiri just under his skin at the ready, and she keeps the stolen kitchen knife pressed up against his ribs where their bodies hide the weapon. They don't trust each other; they just need to get through this mission in one piece.

Most of the village shinobi are actually in their villages, trying to hold onto positions of power and keeping the budding war from bleeding resources that can be used against Kaguya. Only the missing-nin or the small fry are able to commit to missions, which then means Kakashi gets partners like this.

They blend into the crowd for a few meters then deviate off the main path. She doesn't shut up the entire time and even buys meat buns to force feed Kakashi. They take smaller and more twisting roads until it's nearly deserted.

A scroll is taken from Kakashi's jacket pocket, replaced with another, his next mission.

"So," the Taki-nin woman giggles, patting Kakashi's ass. "This is why all us old bastards got picked instead of young shinobi like you."

"I'm sure it could be worse," Kakashi says into her shoulder. He could be in a seed pod, a giant tree eating his chakra.

"Keep telling yourself that, Copy Kitty. You look three years old!"

"I am four and a half."

She squeals and gives him more wet kisses and _this nothing like that one Icha Icha book, Jiraya you lied!_

* * *

Kakashi crawls out of the Tang river, coughing up water and blood. He collapses on the muddy bank with the water lapping at his lower body and everything aching.

A corpse floats by. B-rank man from Iwa, excellent with a sword, which is currently through one of Kakashi's arms. 'Woke up' last week and started running around telling his family and friends, who then panicked and told more people.

An A-rank missing-nin from Suna, the woman who held onto him when they travelled, she fell in the fight.

Twenty-seven in total.

Thirteen men, nine women, five children.

Three A-rank, fourteen B-rank, two C-rank, eight civilians.

More bodies float down the river.

It could have been avoided. Too many people knowing, too many useless people running their mouths, that means the information network breaks, it spills out red with hot blood and then the mission is compromised.

Kakashi hasn't killed this many in a while. It must be nostalgia that makes his chest feel tight.

Or maybe Kakashi is trying to convince himself he even cares.

This is a war, he has no time to hunt down rats abandoning the ship. He lost two travellers with this clusterfuck and he's restricted to information gathering for a while with these injuries.

At least that Iwa-nin was good for one thing; Kakashi can now confirm he's at a steady B-rank.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at this cute murder child go! Yes, Kakashi, you earn that Bingo Book entry!


	6. surprise boyfriends

"My dad is cooler," Kakashi sneers, hands on hips and having a standoff with the other kids across the swing set after he kicked over their castle in the sand box.

"My dad is a ninja!" a boy hollers back. "Imma be a ninja too when I grow up!"

A girl shyly wrings her hands. "My sister is-"

"My mum works for the-the chefs in the big building!" another little girl shrieks.

Oh, that would work.

"She's a maid?" Kakashi scoffs, trying to ignore the rain splattering his face. No, he is not in Ame just because of Obito, there's a legitimate mission.

"Not a maid! She's a-a cook, she serves the old ninja people! Even the important one with the big robes!"

Jackpot.

Damnit, he has to buy a skirt now.

* * *

A hand sign and Kakashi is abruptly snatched up by a really big man with an even bigger mane of white hair. Kakashi rides on Jiraya's back until they duck into an inn and out of the Ame rain.

"It's days like today that I think Orochimaru is just plain fucking with me." Jiraya dumps Kakashi on the floor of the room and locks eyes with the boy. "But now you're here."

Kakashi gives the man an eye smile. "How's dad?"

"Real pissed off that his son is dead," Jiraya deadpans. "Oh, and he straight up cut Danzo's damn head off when the bastard tried to escape arrest."

"Go, dad!" Kakashi cheers because maybe he's getting too into this kid thing.

Jiraya becomes serious. "Finish what you're doing then you're being pulled to the main base in Uzu." He grimaces. "Orochimaru has something for you, visit him on your way."

Kakashi nods. "And…how is Obito?"

The Sanin shrugs. "Kind of an idiot. Gets along with Yahiko."

"Thanks," Kakashi says quietly. "You should leave soon, I'm going to kill Hanzo tomorrow."

Jiraya bursts out laughing. "Oh, you mean the paranoid bastard who's immune to all poisons? How are you going to do that?"

"I am going to explode him with rice," Kakashi offers. "Since you're here, can you take a look at the seal?"

Jiraya pauses. "Orochimaru, I hate you so much. Fine, give me the damn paper."

Kakashi pulls a bottle out of his pocket and hands it over. There are tiny rice grains with seals painted on them, set to release several dozen metal senbon after stomach acid begins to degrade the seal. Explosively.

Jiraya stares.

"I didn't make it," Kakashi protests. "Kushina got a little creative during the end of her pregnancy."

* * *

"Can I help?" Kakashi, tugging on the man's apron.

"Mio," the chef greets. "Where's your mother?"

"She's got a cold." Kakashi pats his skirt, currently wearing an identical outfit to the one he saw the girl in at the park. "Since she's in bed, I thought I could help you instead?"

The man thinks Kakashi is adorable. Kakashi picked this man because the chef is having an affair with the mother and that makes it a whole lot easier to get away with requests.

"Sure thing, Mio," the chef says happily. "Grab a stool and hop up here, you can stir the big pot."

"Okay!" Kakashi chirps.

When another worker is serving up the plate, Kakashi kicks over a pot of flour for a distraction and slips in a few of his grains, tucking them in where the dark brown sauce meets the fried rice and ensuring they get coated enough to hide the faint markings.

Hanzo is known for tight security but he's already screened all the cooks so that should make him drop his guard a bit. He does have food testers but that's why Kakashi used quite a few grains. Really, Hanzo isn't going to check every rice grain before he eats it. Hopefully.

Backup plan is to go grab the Sanbi and lure Hanzo away so they can go at each other without destroying Ame.

Kakashi didn't say it was a good backup plan.

Kakashi tells the chef he needs to go check on his mum and leaves. He changes wigs and his top then runs around the nearby park until he spots frantic shinobi racing towards the building overhead, a hissed question of _is he really_ which gets quickly shushed. He then makes his way to the gate, skipping so he goes fast but it doesn't look like he's trying to escape.

Kakashi comes to abrupt halt. He edges to the side of the busy road and shoves a handful of cash at a vendor before snatching a box of takoyaki.

Obito startles when a box of takoyaki is shoved into his chest by a little girl.

"You look hungry," Kakashi says. "We should be friends."

"A-a girlfriend?" Obito stutters.

Kakashi tilts his head. Oh, he's wearing a skirt still. "But I'm a boy?"

Obito gapes.

Kakashi smirks. "Don't worry, we can be boyfriends." He pauses. "Oh, I'm leaving Ame right now though."

Obito blinks.

Kakashi nods. "Sorry, I'm a bad friend." He runs away before Obito responds.

"W-well, just, come back when you can!" Obito yells out before his brain can really catch up.

Kakashi smiles. He takes the corner quickly and runs up to a harried looking mother halfway out of the gate with a long line of merchant caravans stretching out in front. The woman automatically picks Kakashi up and tosses him into the back of the tarp-covered cart with the other children before throwing in another little boy.

There's a girl next to Kakashi, the one he currently looks like. Kakashi smiles and knocks her out with a pinch to the neck, then distracts the other young, dumb kids with magic tricks.

After ten minutes, Kakashi climbs out, whining to the shinobi escort that he _needs to gooooo_ _peeeee_. He runs off into the trees before anyone can comment and picks up speed as soon as he's out of sensory range.

A squad gives chase ten minutes later but Kakashi is long gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't going to be a romance fic, I just thought it was funny. 
> 
> Speeding through a first meeting because we don't have time for emotional breakdowns.


	7. move aside

"In fact triggering the Mangekyo is rather easy," Orochimaru continues, making sure the straps holding Kakashi down are tight.

"I just want you to know, I regret agreeing to this," Kakashi adds. He's going to get a boost in power, and it's stupid not to use any and all resources to finish this mission, but that doesn't have to mean he likes it.

Orochimaru glosses right over that. "However, the subjects all died due to the activation method so I have yet to ascertain what abilities each eye has. I suggest we transplant them all and pick the most useful."

Kakashi blinks. "I said I would only accept it from people who died in a non-suspicious manner."

"There's nothing suspicious about it," Orochimaru explains. "I straight up tortured them to death, it was very blatant. Perhaps you should have specified."

Kakashi glares but the mistake is on him so Orochimaru wins this one.

They end up deciding on an eye that can interject chakra flow, which means an enemy's water bullet can become Kakashi's water wall with little to no hand signs in shaping it and very little chakra use on his part.

Unfortunately, this means Kakashi does need to figure out what hand signs he still needs and he needs to be close enough for his chakra to take over the jutsu.

Kakashi still thinks Kamui is cooler.

Tsunade, because yes she was told, does the transplants of course and also fixes up all the other injuries Kakashi has accumulated.

"Sakumo summoned a wolf on his last mission," Tsunade says. "It was five-metres tall and it ate someone."

"I prefer dogs," Kakashi muses.

Tsunade stares at him.

Kakashi shrugs. He didn't know his dad and Tsunade were such close friends. "What do you want me to say?"

"He's not doing well," the medic states.

"There's a war, no one is doing well."

"You didn't have to kill yourself off," Tsunade insists. "Orochimaru has enough power to keep you on an infiltration assignment indefinitely-"

"I have a mission," Kakashi interrupts. "That's what I'm doing, what the other travellers are doing, that is the first priority. My own comfort, or the effect of this has on others is not a factor. I will finish this as quickly as I can, and maybe I'll even still be alive by the end, that's when I can make my own choices again."

Tsunade sighs. "How's the eye?"

Kakashi slumps. "It's good, thanks."

* * *

For the next few weeks, he spars with some ROOT operatives to test his new eye and to train his body. His pool of chakra is shot to hell again, but his speed kicks up, as does his control.

Kakashi is packing when Orochimaru waves him over.

"The Sandaime has been getting reports about the other travellers," the Sanin explains. "Nothing concrete, just rumours of a large organisation interfering with the war."

"Large?" Kakashi echoes. "There's twenty-two of us now."

"Most being S- and A-ranked powerhouses," Orochimaru corrects. "Plus you."

"I'm getting there," Kakashi fires back.

Kakashi does understand how much of a threat they are, just how deep some of the travellers are in positions of power. The first arrived nine years ago and that's a lot of time to set up a whole new game where everyone is just scrambling to figure out the most basic rules.

Many of the missing-nin are doing back-to-back missions like Kakashi and breezing through because things change but they have such a wealth of knowledge on blackmail, future events and other people's abilities that half of these missions are just to confirm things they already know.

The larger troubles were planned out a long time ago, not just by the travellers but by the brightest minds still free of Kaguya's clutches. Every detail was mapped out, it was like simple hand signs to create a jutsu that brings down a mountain. The travellers set things up according to instructions and watch it cascade.

The Third Shinobi War is barely edging to a start because the travellers need those resources, so the ones still in villages have pulled strings until the war just stuttered to a halt before it even had the chance to begin. There are missing-nin patrolling Kusa, the mid-way point, and killing any teams of shinobi that try to start something.

This is a whole war, not even a side note on the travellers' plans, shoved to the side because they don't have time for it right now.

Kakashi understands where the concern is coming from, why the villages have caught wind of the travellers and are not liking that one bit. Kakashi understands but feels no sympathy because everyone needs to get out of the way so the travellers can finish this damn mission.

Not that Kakashi can ever go back to his dad and friends, but stalking them is still an option. Like visiting the memorial stone, but it moves around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Okay, it's done. Wait, what do you mean we took over the world? I don't remember that."


	8. teamwork makes the dreamwork

Kakashi is running across the water towards a small ship in the distance, churning ocean below him and a psychopath riding a huge wave just a few meters behind.

"Does Copy Kitty not want a bath?!" an S-rank missing in from Kiri cackles, her lower body encased in water as she goes because she is actually paralysed from the waist down.

Kakashi throws a kunai forward, body switching with it right before a shark made of water crashes down on where he just was. He breathes a fireball to turn the next wave that rises up in front of him to burning steam and dives through the gap it makes. His foot abruptly sinks into the ocean and he gives it an electric shock to get free.

He's close enough to the ship now that he can see four other travellers leaning over the side to watch the fight, all of them looking rather wet and rumpled. At least Kakashi is not the only one getting such a warm welcome.

Kakashi leaps up, flashing through hand signs as he lands onboard and turns to face the missing-nin. The woman pulls forth a localised tsunami to hang over the ship, nearly blotting out the sun, and Kakashi uses his newly acquired Mangekyo to disrupt the water using a randomised burst of his chakra.

The woman's eyes widen and she falls with the water as it loses form.

Kakashi sits down, breathing hard and running low on chakra. He would like to speak with the people responsible for recruitment. Missing-nin are fine, really, but there's the small issue that most of these people are just a bit off in the head.

Kakashi has never met the Kiri woman, did nothing but introduce himself. The woman doesn't even seem particularly upset or like she's trying very hard to kill Kakashi.

The Kiri-nin drags herself up onto the ship, still with a thin encasing of water around her legs, then shakes her hair out of her face with a picturesque toss of her head and a sharp cackle. "Okay, folks! That's the last passenger, so you all ready to head out?"

Kakashi soon finds himself clinging for dear life to a sail post and squinting into the cutting wind as the small ship shoots through the water. They hit a particularly big wave and get air-time, everyone bouncing up and one man in the back screaming, before the ship hits the water again.

Someone throws up.

"Slow down!" a Suna-nin yells out. "The island is up ahead!"

The Kiri-nin just laughs. Several travellers hanging around on the beach immediately scatter when they see the ship, which does not bode well.

They don't slow, at all. The ship hits the beach and Kakashi is jostled around dizzyingly as they plough through the sand and jerk to a stop at the low stone wall separating the beach from something like a market.

Another person throws up.

* * *

Kakashi quickly realises that Uzu is an absolute clusterfuck of missing-nin because all the loyal and sane shinobi are still working at controlling their villages.

This is now an island of criminals who are also strong enough to raze small countries to the ground. No one is controlling them. Everything is held together by the tenuous agreement that a murderous goddess is worth playing by the rules everyone agreed to before coming back in time.

Some of these people are here because they're pissed off Kaguya is more of a threat than them, that she's killed more people.

Some others have joined in because they want revenge on people who are dead (or who they've already killed once before) and coming back in time is the only way to do that.

But the majority genuinely just hate how Kaguya bitch slapped them to the ground and now only want to fuck up her business.

So it's rather like a crowd of people with their own plans, all moving together in a single direction by happenstance. People will deviate, they will rush ahead or lag behind, but still these people can be relied upon to help move the crowd further.

* * *

Kakashi ducks a shuriken coming out of left field from a spectator, backflips away from the whipcrack of ninja wire and raises spikes of stone from the dirt ground.

The two Iwa-nin that attacked him when he was training barely manage to get out of the way, one jumping back and one to the side. The audience that has slowly accumulated are now making bets and cheering on their favourites. Some are throwing weapons or light jutsu into the fray.

Three spectators had leapt into the fight at various points. One is knocked out, another is sitting off to the side nursing a large burn across her face, and the third has tunnelled under the ground but is still lurking.

This is normal for one of Kakashi's training sessions, and has happened almost every day for the last two weeks. It's normal for anyone to be interrupted by blatant attempts at murder.

These missing-nin really enjoy fighting and seeing who's stronger, who's smarter. Like wild animals, trying to assert dominance and claim their position on the food chain, then fight for a higher position.

Kakashi quickly realised that most of the traveller deaths so far has been because one idiot picked a fight with a stronger idiot and got wiped out. Kakashi has come close to getting caught up in an S-rank's entertainment but he's weak in this body and they tend to overlook him for stronger opponents.

The good news is how his training has accelerated - because he's constantly fighting for his life. He's keeping up with the others from the sheer amount of techniques he knows and generally doesn't use anything above a C-rank, only so his chakra is draining much slower than it would if he goes all out.

He's also had a lot of practice interrupting jutsu with his new eye, mostly when some powerhouse gets caught up in the excitement and tries to level half the island.

It is genuinely surprising that Uzu is still standing. Especially since all the in-village travellers aren't here, plus the missing-nin who are currently on missions.

The shinobi underground pops back up to throw out a gale of wind that slices through anything it passes but the attack is widespread, and the spectators are forced to leap out of the way. A hail of water bullets is the reply from a Taki-nin standing off to the side.

The fight then quickly drags in even more people until it devolves into a free for all with everyone in the general vicinity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi is really missing team 7 right now because they were messy but still so much better than this.


	9. kitten's got  t e e t h

Kakashi is crouched on the ceiling of the large meeting room, some fancy council chambers back when Uzu was still thriving but now a damaged mess with burn marks and cuts and the spreading black vines of lightning jutsu aftermath coating the room.

There's a large, low table in the middle, pieced together from cut down trees and whittled further by jutsu. No one is sitting at the table because it would put their back to the rest of the room where everyone else is slinking along the walls and the ceiling, or hovering near windows.

An Ishi-nin called for everyone to meet up for the latest batch of supplies so the others raced each other for who gets the alcohol first. Kakashi is here for the Icha Icha books included with the care package - thank you, Jiraya.

The travellers do have people especially for logistics and Kakashi has learnt there's even one civilian informant wandering about. The main tacticians they have are like Orochimaru and are puppeteering villages and Daimyos.

Regardless of positions, everyone is supposed to be arriving in Uzu by next week to re-negotiate missions and discuss further changes to the main plan they're following. Until then, it's business as usual.

Kakashi shifts away from a Kusa-nin who is crawling up the wall towards him. He's already had his daily battle royal, no need for a repeat, he doesn't want to get spoiled or anything.

The Ishi-nin walks into the room with a crate in his arms. A shimo-nin with snowflakes sewn on his clothes for that extra patriotism darts past and the crate is kicked up. Everyone is lurching forward even as it explodes with a tag, snatching out a Bingo Book from their country and skittering away to read.

Kakashi grabs one Ichi Icha book and has to stab a kunai through a frog-like tongue that shoots towards him. He drops and slides feet first through someone's legs before rolling under the table, spitting out fireballs at anyone who tries to challenge him for the porn.

They must decide he's the more difficult opponent because they soon leave him alone in search of where the other Icha Icha books have been sequestered away.

"A-rank!" some Oto-nin splutters in outrage down the end of the room at their Bingo entry. "What fucking A, I'm S now!"

A Yu-nin is crooning into the pages after having found his (newest) husband has earned himself a kill-on-sight order. Another Ame-nin flicks her hair over a shoulder and preens at seeing her updated entry.

"Eh, the White Fang is getting playful," one Kumo woman comments, sliding a sideways glance to Kakashi's position under the table.

Sakumo is very upset about losing his son and is maybe becoming a bit unhinged. Kakashi and his dad have very similar coping mechanisms, which consists of throwing themselves into missions and blitzing through with hyper focus so they don't have to think about anything else.

Kakashi rolls out and grabs a Kumo-edition Bingo Book on his way back to the ceiling. He wants to see what it might say about his dad.

"Didn't the White Fang die a while back?" a second Kumo asks, flipping through. "I can't keep these damn timelines straight."

Someone else finds the entry first and gapes. "Yo, why don't we have this absolute _beast_ of a man instead of the little version?"

Kakashi raises an eyebrow when the room turns to him. "Because I'm cuter."

A Taki chuckles, eyes sharp as they peer at Kakashi over the open book they hold. "Yeah, it seems like everyone agrees. Real cute, huh?"

Kakashi vanishes the Icha Icha with a sleight of hand and starts flipping through the Bingo Book, activating his Sharingan so he can speed read while skimming through every page.

There is a page, near the front, almost blank except for a description of a young boy with Kakashi's vague age and proportions on it. Known for being an infiltration and assassination specialist. No known affiliation. A pretty low bounty, compared to what he's used to.

His nickname has been decided as 'Copy Kitten' because that's what the travellers keep calling him so loudly and enthusiastically, uncaring of who hears them.

The first person to laugh gets Kakashi's kunai to the stomach.

* * *

A spitting, crackling bonfire lights up the dark stone slate they gather on, the wind roaring as waves crash against the cliffs below.

The Kiri-nin stay low with long, sweeping movements of their limbs when they dance. A genjutsu is layered thickly over the area, the sound of a low drum beat or an army stomping their feet, the noise reverberating through their bones.

All of the travellers have gathered, all twenty-six of them now because a set of triplets woke up, to plan out the major strike. For now, half of them are off their faces drunk and that Taki-nin from the Tetsu mission decided to display her country's traditional festival dance.

And then the Suna-nin decided theirs was better, and the Iwa-nin took offence to that declaration of war.

Kakashi takes another sip of sake where he sits above the small crowd, teetering on the edge of the headquarters' roof. He wears an illusion, like most of them do, more comfortable in their older skin.

He tucks one leg up, foot braced on the edge, and slumps to the side, propped up on an elbow. He takes another sip and his child's constitution against alcohol is very quickly breaking down.

The beats become louder, speeding up as the Kiri-nin begin to jerk and twist, the fire lighting up their unnatural movements. The sake makes them look like they're doubling, edges hazy. They shake, sharp pulls of their limbs, until the heavy drums reach a crescendo and they throw their heads back to scream up at the dark sky.

Other travellers join in and Kakashi blinks hard, suddenly dizzy at the voices echoing around him.

Damn, he needs to switch to apple juice or something.

The genjutsu drops and the Kiri-nin give mocking bows, panting lightly but with wide grins stretched across their faces. The travellers applaud and cheer, a couple whistles thrown in and the odd heckler shouting about how lame it was compared to their performance.

"Who's next?" a Kusa calls out. "Where's our Konoha boys? Come up, don't be shy!"

"There!" a Yu-nin yells.

Kakashi blinks lazily at the finger pointed at him.

"Come down, Konoha! Shows us your moves!" the Yu beckons.

The shinobi then tenses as Orochimaru slides past from a blind spot. The Sanin moves up to the edge of the crowd around the bonfire and lifts a bottle of sake out of the crate some Suna snatched from a merchant caravan on her way over.

Orochimaru stands and quirks an eyebrow at the crowd. "Konoha does not have any traditional dances. As we were founded by two prominent and often hostile clans, anything of that sort was tampered down so as to not make the difference in clans more obvious."

Kakashi must be more drunk than he thought because he opens his mouth. "The Hatake have a dance. After a hunt, when we feast."

A Kumo lifts her skewered, steamed fish. She laughs. "What, this hunt ain't good enough for you?"

Kakashi hums lazily. "Hatake don't hunt animals." He tips his bottle at them with an eye smile. "My dad wasn't very traditional, but even then I was still teething on the ribs of you Kumo-nin."

They lose their shit at him, screaming in vicious delight or bellowing back a challenge. Some idiots in the back start barking.

"Are you hungry?" Orochimaru calls out over the madness.

A hush settles with a stutter.

The Sanin smiles. "There are prisoners here, already interrogated and useless to the cause now."

Kakashi contemplates this, leg kicking in the air where it hangs off the roof.

The only thing Kakashi remembers in the morning, out of this entire night, is the roar of a bloodthirsty crowd caging him in as he eats the warm heart right out of a shattered rib-cage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I headcanon Hatake are casual cannibals. I think it's more fun than just 'wolf themed'.


	10. new teammates

Kakashi sits at the low table in the command room, head in his hands. "What happened? Because I remember…things."

"You put on quite the show," the tactician controlling Suna says with a smirk on his face.

The main Kiri and Kumo shinobi are also sitting around the table but the other in-village shinobi have left already after discussing the new missions, along with the shinobi who have urgent jobs to do. The rest of the room is empty but Kakashi can hear the usual sparring noises off in the distance.

It is currently three in the afternoon and Kakashi woke up twenty minutes ago with a pounding headache and no memory of last night.

"Okay," Kakashi says and straightens up. "What do you need me for?"

They explain he'll be in the mission to map out the cave. They can't go in blind for the final attack, not when there might be hundreds of Zetsu hidden away or since the travellers change things, Madara might not even be in the cave.

They were going to send Obito in in a repeat of the first timeline but he's not strong enough, not well trained enough to resist Madara or the man's Sharingan and information would leak. Luckily, they have another child to throw at the problem.

* * *

"Copy kitty~" The S-rank (but currently A-rank) Suna missing-nin stands with his hands on his hips and a wide grin as he looks up at the trees around him to try and find the boy. Dressed in cream coloured linen clothes wrapped with bandages at the hems with dark metal claws covering the backs of his hands, he's known for being an absolute psycho, titled Nagekawashi.

"Baby, you're so tiny," Nagekawashi croons. "Can I be a Hatake too? I just wanna bite your fucking head off and slurp up all those squishy organs."

"Kami save me," sighs another man, S-rank from Iwa who just slumps back against the nearest tree. Almost entirely covered in a thick, leathery cloak and hood, Kazaru skins people and makes clothes. "Hatake, please, I need intelligent conversation even if it is from a three-year-old."

To be fair, these two have completed quite a few of the objectives separately, so theoretically it'll be even better with both of them on the same team. Hopefully.

"I'm technically thirty-three," Kakashi says, projecting his voice so it echoes and doesn't give away his hiding place in the leaves.

Nagekawashi gasps. "Thirty-three is my lucky number!"

These are Kakashi's teammates now, despite how he might like otherwise, might as well get to know them before the mission. He's seen them around Uzu of course but never actually spoke to either. They honestly don't seem like the best choice but he trusts the tacticians (both traveller and those in the future who planned this) so there must be a reason.

Kakashi melts out of the shadows and steps down onto a branch, far enough away that he can run but still in full view. "Nice to…meet you."

Kazaru just raises an eyebrow and looks Kakashi up and down. "Five? Almost six? You're a bit small."

"I'm big where it counts," Kakashi drawls.

Nagekawashi gasps. "Oh, kitten, you can call me daddy."

"No thanks," Kakashi says easily.

The Suna psycho tilts his head. "Mummy?"

"No."

"Nage-nii?"

Kakashi purses his lips. "I will call you Nage, you will call me Kakashi."

"Kitty Kashi~"

Kakashi turns to Kazaru. "Details?"

It's been an information blackout for this mission because it's so important. He knows the basic reason why they're here and what role he plays but everything else is being kept tight to the chest. Information being leaked at such a crucial moment would be a fatal mistake. Most of the travellers don't even know the cave is going to be mapped out so soon.

Kazaru sighs. "We're going to see if any zetsu presence is here, get the layout then regroup with the others to finish the details on the final attack." He shrugs. "I don't know more than you, we're playing fast and loose on this because we don't know what's going to be waiting for us."

Kakashi hums. "And why did we send in this guy-" He nods to Nage. "-instead of any other possible choices?"

Kazaru glares because he's being judged even when he didn't have a say in these teammates. " _Nage-nii_ here is supposed to be the loud one and comes with an edict memory to map the caves. No other idiots from Uzu are here because it's recon, we need a small and stealthy team to stay undetected. There's only two others as backup."

"Which two?"

"Your first option is an A-rank paedophile who joined the mission because he's upset there are no more children to fuck. The second option is a civilian from Snow country."

"A civilian," Kakashi deadpans.

"Yeah, really scraping the bottom of the barrel," Kazaru scoffs.

Kakashi looks towards Nage. "Are you A or S-rank right now?"

The Suna hums, tapping a finger on his chin, claws coming very close to gouging his own eye out. "Ahhh, taijutsu is S, working on everything else." He narrows his eyes. "And what's kitty been up to?"

Kakashi takes a deep breath and braces himself. "I got here a year ago." Sort of. Rounding up, that is.

Kazaru throws his arms out. "So you're fucking useless!"

"I'm building up my strength," Kakashi tries.

"So we just wait another ten years until you hit puberty, huh?" Kazaru snarls. "Fuck, where's your babysitter, boy?"

"Oh, am I late?" Jiraya muses.

All three of them sensed the man already, Jiraya wasn't trying to be subtle and his huge form and white hair stand out through the trees.

"Thank fuck," Kazaru says with a whole lot of feeling. "Send a damn toad next time, I thought you weren't coming."

Nage pouts. "Aww, I thought I was going to have fun today."

Kakashi jumps down from the branch to get them back on track. "Now for the plan, I assume I'll be stumbling into the cave looking injured and lost."

Nage raises a hand and waves it. "I'm the bad guy!" He giggles. "I'm super good at it."

Kazaru finally pushes off the tree and rolls his shoulders before he does a quick recap. "You play tag, meet every forty-five minutes or something has gone wrong and get the fuck out, try to cover as much of the layout as possible. The signal for zetsu is one long earthquake jutsu, Madara is two short in rapid succession, both is three short. Do not engage if avoidable, if you get caught then kill yourself."

Jiraya chimes in with positioning, which had just been decided with the backup team and was the reason he arrived a bit late. "Whatever happens, Kakashi escapes and you both run north-west but don't break character until you at least hit the river regardless of how far back you lost a tail. Kazaru and I will be twenty minutes away south-west, but my toads will be closer to keep track of the signals. The others are further out at the old Ito-8-6 base. We meet back there."

Kakashi shakes his arms out. "We'll spar until I'm injured enough."

Nage grins brightly. "Let's see what kitten can do."

Jiraya seems confused. "He's a puppy."

Kakashi turns to the man. "That's not exactly helping things-"

Kakashi leaps back from a swipe of claws and spits spears of water at Nage's legs.


	11. nothing to see here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: that one missing-nin paedophile making an appearance at the end.

Kakashi pushes back into the rock wall, a hand clamped over his mouth to try and muffle his panicked breathing, the new blond hair sticking to his forehead with sweat.

"Kitty~" Nage coos. "Puppy! Eh...fishy?"

He waits until the man passes by and heads down another tunnel before he shakily gets to his feet and limps down the one he's already chosen. He makes a show of looking around, acting lost.

Kakashi saw the first zetsu in the shadows four hours ago and acted suitably spooked, breathing fire at the shadows and exaggeratedly relaxing when no one was there after the attack. He stumbled into Nage soon after and his earthquake jutsu brought down a localised rockslide that buried the man and gave Kakashi time to run deeper.

More zetsu clones have been seen, six in total. They're still searching for Madara, but in the meanwhile seemed to have 'randomly' mapped about half the tunnels in a 1, 3, 4, 6 pattern. Paths 2 and 5 still need to be checked so they have to double back, which will take at least another three hours. They meet up at least every forty-five minutes just to keep track of each other so that's more fights going full out.

It's well into the early morning and Kakashi's body needs rest but Nage is powering on like he can't even feel it. Doesn't have any sympathy for Kakashi either, breaking through walls just to jumpscare him when Nage gets too bored.

Kakashi takes the next turn and stops when he sees the glint of red eyes in the dark, something huge looming in the shadows deeper in.

Well shit, he wasn't expecting a direct confrontation. He didn't even sense the man.

Kakashi sobs and drops to the floor like his legs gave out, which they were about to anyway. "U-Uchiha," Kakashi gasps, looking forward where he's now at the man's knee height because he's not stupid enough to look into those eyes. "I'm Sato, g-genin. My team...d-dead." Kakashi chokes back another sob.

Madara is quiet for a long time and Kakashi takes the chance to slump sideways against the cold and rough dirt wall. This is fine, everything is fine.

Kakashi shakes. "Why...why aren't you saying anything?" he whimpers. "Miki was...th-there was an Uchiha on my team."

Red eyes shift slightly. "Oh?"

* * *

Kakashi lies on soft grass, the sun warming his skin as the blood dries on his aching body.

Madara gave him a white zetsu to collect his 'teammates' and get him 'safely back to Konoha' then Madara said he would deal with the missing-nin.

Nage appeared for their scheduled fight and Kakashi ran off while the man killed the zetsu tailing him. Kakashi then swapped out with the empty puppet Kazaru made, dressed in the flesh of some boy the missing-nin skinned, while Nage swapped with his own puppet during the chase.

Kazaru then put on a puppet show; 'Nage' killed 'Kakashi' then got offed by a zetsu, not without decimating quite a bit of forest where the made up Konoha team was killed. All the bodies present and accounted for, all loose ends not exactly cut but at least tucked away out of sight.

Meanwhile, Kakashi made it to the river and hid his tracks, looped around and headed east to meet with the back up but collapsed about half an hour out.

Incoming footsteps urge Kakashi to open his eyes and he sees a kind looking man approach him with worry, dressed loosely in a deep blue yukata.

The man kneels beside Kakashi and pulls a water canteen out of a large sleeve. "May I?"

Kakashi doesn't even care about the paedophile, he's so damn tired. He blinks at the man.

Osanai, Kumo A-rank missing-nin, gently helps Kakashi sit up and settles behind him as a backrest. Kakashi drinks slowly from the canteen and it's maybe not drugged. Osanai's free hand carefully detangles Kakashi's dyed blond hair, which is matted down with dirt and blood.

After drinking, Osanai brings out a med kit and starts trying to take Kakashi's clothes off, quietly hushing the boy when he shoves at the man's hands.

"I will Raikiri you in the dick," Kakashi promises, holding his shirt firmly in place.

Osanai chuckles pleasantly. "You don't have enough chakra to even water walk, little one."

They both look out at the trees, going tense. Osanai picks up Kakashi and they retreat further, the man easing an earth jutsu across the ground to cover the blood stains.

Nage staggers into view, missing one claw and three fingers, blood dribbling out of his mouth and staining his cream coloured linen clothes a stark bright red. Kakashi and Osanai relax after seeing it isn't an enemy.

"Nage!" Kakashi shouts.

The Suna psycho's head abruptly snaps around and he grins through bloody teeth. Kakashi gets slapped to the ground but also Osanai almost gets his nose cut off and the two adults break into a fight.

Kakashi just really misses normal people.


	12. regrouping and waiting

The team gets a toad message and while Osanai stays to keep an eye on things, they all split up, moving to a further away safehouse.

Kakashi gives his succinct report to all of them with Nage chiming in about zetsu's current strength, plus the man adding sharp slashes on Kakashi's drawn map of the caves to denote all the tunnels Nage went down.

Kakashi also makes sure to mention the Harashima tree is there, a confirmed spawning point for zetsu and the reason Madara is still alive. They're going to need a lot of fire.

The Shimo civilian notes it all down in her code. She's a network contact for Jiraya who has a bit of a problem distancing reality from fiction considering she keeps muttering about final bosses and dungeon raids to gain EXP. She joined the travellers because she wanted to go on an adventure and write great books.

So she's sort of useful but not really. She was meant to take over Jiraya's information network but Orochimaru got all the Sanin in on the plan so she now trades information solely for the travellers.

After Kakashi is done with his recount, Jiraya and Kazaru point out possible avenues of attack regarding the land surrounding the caves.

The civilian makes several copies of the meeting notes (plus the hand drawn map) then seals it into scrolls that Jiraya delivers with his toads. She then pushes up her glasses and goes on to recite messages she's received lately.

Kakashi very quickly realises how scattered the travellers are, how their forces are stretched thin trying to keep the villages strong and held together while also cleaning up zetsu clones and trying to make it all look accidental.

Most of the effort is concentrated on the war. All the travellers are doing everything they can to at least lessen the impact. Most shinobi are cannon fodder but some of the greats fell in this war and everyone can be used against Kaguya.

The villages are getting even more suspicious. Some travellers have been getting involved with more publicised missions and the tacticians in the villages have had to keep their heads down lately because all that misdirection is casting suspicion on them.

"Okay," Jiraya sighs. "That's all then. Kazaru will join Osanai in keeping an eye on the cave, warn us when anything so much as twitches. We've got a week to prepare so Nagekawashi needs to heal up by then to join the assault team. Kakashi, you'll be perimeter duty when we attack."

The team quickly breaks apart, heading off to prepare.

* * *

Kakashi heads to another safehouse on the border of Tea country to heal up and train up for the mission. They'll be (hopefully) taking down Madara and the last of the zetsu (that they know of).

No one is optimistic enough to think this will go well. Even if they have indeed cleaned up all of the zetsu across the Elemental Nations, and even if Madara is killed in this show down, that doesn't mean there isn't another plan that's been set into motion somewhere else.

After this mission, they still need to destroy the Gedo Mazo statue of the ten-tails. People did talk about the option of wiping out all the Rinnegan and Sharingan eyes so it can't be summoned but it's safer to just obliterate the thing and ensure there's no possible way to bring that back.

Plus hunt down all the information about the Infinite Tsukoyomi and wipe that from existence too. Warn the tailed beasts as well so they can fight back if anything does happen. Maybe also blow up the moon completely if everyone runs out of ideas.

Kakashi is sitting at the kitchen table of the safehouse and scribbling out a plan to explode the moon. That's actually the easy part – already figured out. He's struggling with how to correct the consequences of no tide and the lack of extra gravitational pull on the earth. Of course they could make another moon-

The scent of cinnamon reaches him. Someone passed through the perimeter. Didn't spring a weapon-based trap but did stumble over the hidden scent-based ones.

Kakashi burns the paper and leaves through the kitchen window, vaulting up to the roof then blurring into the trees. He slows and stops on a tree trunk when he nears the scent of cinnamon, smeared on the intruder.

It's the one samurai traveller they have, a lanky man from Tetsu with only the handle of a sword hanging at his hip, silent even when wandering around covered in black plate armour from head to toe.

"What are you doing here?" Kakashi asks.

The samurai flinches hard and whirls around. His hand is already at the handle of his sword, a brief glint of red before the light blinks out. He spots Kakashi and sighs, slumping. "Don't scare me like that."

Kakashi is on all fours, upside down and stomach flat to the tree trunk. The top of his tree, just past his toes, turns entirely to sawdust and drops on top of him.

Kakashi shakes himself to get it off. "You need to stop cutting first and asking questions later."

"I was terrified," the samurai complains. "Look at you, crawling around on trees like a demon. Get down before you make me cry, boy."

Kakashi very deliberately crawls down the trunk, through the large and fluffy pile of sawdust at the base, then across the ground towards the samurai.

The Tetsu grimaces and backs away. "Fuck me, you fucking ninja." He pulls out the empty sword handle and this time Kakashi actually sees the red chakra flare out into a blade, turning it into a full katana.

"Why are you here?" Kakashi asks, standing up and brushing off the rest of the sawdust.

"This is the meeting point," the samurai explains. "I was told to come here and wait for the rest of the assault team."

Kakashi looks back in the direction of the _very small_ safehouse. "How many people do I have to prepare for?"

* * *

Kakashi is currently riding on the huge sword that's propped up over a Suna-nin's shoulder, bouncing a bit with the walking motion. They pass by a woman bench pressing a few people in the front yard.

They enter the tree line and slow down at a small clearing where a group of shinobi are clustered around a make-shift forge, trying to smelt some old gear into new kunai and shuriken.

The supplies are late and everyone is getting bored anyway, since they need to be subtle and quietly wait for the mission to start. This group is the east team, relatively smaller because of the safehouse's size.

"Got Kitten," says the Suna that Kakashi is riding on.

A Taki woman points at the forge an Iwa is breathing fire into. "What jutsu do we need to melt weapons?"

People generally get upset about stolen jutsu, because it often takes years if not decades to perfect something, or maybe it's been passed down through generations and it's a secret clan jutsu. It's better in Konoha because of how many Sharingan were around so they'd gotten used to it, but people still don't want Kakashi to know their own jutsu and are hesitant to ask him about the ones he's copied.

On the other hand, the travellers don't care about the ethics of stealing and have swiftly learned that he can be used like a library.

If they get bored enough, they'll even compete to see who can come up with the strangest or stupidest jutsu idea, and they win when Kakashi doesn't already have something in his arsenal that can do the same job.

As a joke, to bridge these gaps in his knowledge, people started to bring back jutsu scrolls after missions or they memorised handseals to show him. At some point, and Kakashi doesn't know when, everyone has just unanimously decided it's now a game to have him collect as many as possible.

He has so many new jutsu that it takes him a while to think of the more specific ones. Kakashi does need a moment for the fire request and then runs them through the hand signs to a stream of fire that has the correct temperature.

"Also," a Kiri begins. "Is there a jutsu to pound metal out and fold it?"

That's actually two separate jutsu that Kakashi shows them; one for focused air pressure downwards, and then a skin-based protective layer for them to grab the hot metal and fold it over by hand.

"And…" Iwa gestures at the gathering mosquitoes.

Kakashi shows them how to make a directed shockwave that will only target chakra signs, then demonstrates how to scale it down so it only attacks things like bugs.

"Neat." Suna tilts his head. "You know, I used to think a thousand different jutsu hadn't even been invented yet. Thought you were bullshitting everyone."

"I'm almost at two thousand," Kakashi muses. "Anyway, you have fun here-"

"Wait, do the fire one again," Iwa says, looking confused as he goes through the hand signs.

"It's horse and then ram," Kakashi corrects.

Iwa just gives up. "You do it, I'm not going to learn a whole new jutsu in the next minute."

"It's only a C-rank," Kakashi points out. "I'll demonstrate again."

Two hours later and they all declare that Kakashi is a shit teacher. Technically true, but still uncalled for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay but what about a story where Kakashi just breezes through canon because he's got a whole metric shittonne of jutsu at his disposal.
> 
> (gotta catch 'em all)


	13. daddy wants to play

Kakashi is a scout for this mission, one of the few ringing the perimeter and constantly checking for any interference by other shinobi plus making sure no zetsu can escape either. He's far out enough that he can't see or hear much of the battle but he's close enough to watch the flare of jutsu above the treeline and feel the shockwaves of powerful attacks.

If it gets too bad he'll be called in with the others to fight but while it seems risky right now, the travellers did have the upper hand with the ambush and the information they gathered. The tunnels have already been destroyed with a cave-in by that one Ame with the chemistry setup.

It seems to be the travellers winning, even with the hundred zetsu clones that abruptly spawned into existence right before the Harashima tree was burned down. The travellers are incredible fighters. Most of them not for their blood lines or special techniques but because these are damn good _shinobi_. They know their standard weapons and jutsu and they use it with absolute control and perfect timing.

Of course there are times when a flashy technique is needed; either to draw attention in a fight or for more long term intimidation - mostly to bolster a village's reputation. That's why Kakashi goes out of his way to use Raikiri on important missions. He brands his victims with it because the Raikiri is powerful and violent and people will know Kakashi left this corpse, and killed that person, and they will feel _scared_.

But at heart, Kakashi has always been a lover of efficiency over style. Because shinobi shouldn't stand out; they should get in, get the job done, and get back out with no one seeing them. Just one more faceless shadow in an army of them.

Another scout drops in next to Kakashi, an outer scout who is supposed to be ten minutes back. "Your dad is here."

Kakashi turns to them and blinks.

The woman keeps up a smirk but it's jagged at the corners, angry that someone is interfering. "Looked like he was following a trail."

Kakashi glances out into the trees. "I'll deal with it. Take my post."

* * *

Sakumo drops to the forest floor and his tanto breathes in steady, slow pulses with a brilliant white light.

A small blur darts down from the trees and then Sakumo is looking into the only visible eye of his son. He's bigger now, with a blank headband slanted over an eye and new clothes in an odd, mixed style of Konoha and maybe Kiri.

Sakumo's next breath stutters. He knew his son wasn't dead. Had caught Kakashi's scent in Tea country, found the burned out and buried house where Kakashi was kept briefly. Tracked it north where it disappeared. Again near the border of Iwa, heading west now.

Sakumo knows Kakashi was taken so he went straight for ROOT, straight for Danzo's throat because that scum was caught stealing kids. When that didn't recover his son, Sakumo branched out, started taking information gathering missions and did his own digging on the side. Jiraya and even Orochimaru assisted him but nothing came of it.

Has Kakashi been with the same group the whole time? Did they take him from that escort mission, or did Kakashi manage to run and they chased him? How long had they been watching his son to have set up that misplaced mission scroll, to have his faked death planned out?

"Go back," Kakashi orders.

"Are they here, the people who took you?" Sakumo looks to the direction Kakashi came in but lowers his tanto, trying to be non-threatening in case Kakashi gets scared away. Who knows what those people have told the boy.

"I left," Kakashi says.

"It doesn't matter."

"I left _willingly_ , dad. No threats, no indoctrination, no manipulation, nothing. I made that choice."

Sakumo pauses because that might only be what Kakashi thinks, it might be more lies fed to him. Sakumo decides to deal with that later. "I don't care. Come back with me, I'll keep you safe."

"Safe in a torture and interrogation cell?" Kakashi points out. "I've been gone for almost a year. Konoha won't let me in without checking and the things I've done, what I know – I'm never going to be cleared."

Sakumo's teeth click together and he swallows a growl. "Do you think your old man is useless? I'll figure something out."

"I want you to be happy and I'll just drag you down," Kakashi argues.

"You're the only thing I have left," Sakumo insists. "I live for _you_."

Kakashi laughs but he sounds like he really didn't mean to. "The first go around, you fail a mission and then kill yourself when the village turns on you." Kakashi squints, his eye smiling. "I know you love me, but it turns out love is a useless emotion, isn't it?"

Sakumo doesn't understand what Kakashi is talking about so he pushes it away. It doesn't matter right now, whether it was a genjutsu or something else.

"I'll prove myself," Sakumo states. "You, Kakashi, are my first priority. I'll…" Sakumo glances again towards the battle. If Kakashi insists on going back there regardless, Sakumo can protect him and figure out who the kidnappers are. "I'll fight with you and your…group. We'll do this together."

"The best thing you can do for me right now is to not get involved," Kakashi insists. "It's dangerous and I just got you back, I don't want to watch you leave me again."

"I don't want you to go either," Sakumo says stubbornly with something wild in his eyes. "If my pup leaves me again then I'm following you this time."

There's a sudden shriek of wind and the both of them are already moving even as the shockwave cuts past the trees, racing towards them.

* * *

Kakashi sees Sakumo move to cover him but just opens a pit in the ground, big enough for both of them and pulls up quicker but weaker mud walls in front.

Sakumo grabs Kakashi as the boy is mid-jutsu and pulls them both down into the hole, tucking his son underneath his chest. The blast wave slams through the mud walls but it's slowed enough that when it cuts over the hole, it's turned into a strong wind instead of something capable of throwing them around.

Kakashi wriggles out and uses Sakumo's back as a springboard to get out, immediately scanning the cave area and catching sight of the towering husk of the ten-tails rising up above the trees.

The massive gaunt statue opens it's maw and _roars,_ hard enough to scatter the clouds above, to blow back the tree branches, to make the ground shake and carry the vibration straight through Kakashi's bones.

A blaze of dark blue smoke goes up as a signal to the scouts; Assistance needed. All forces pulled into assault team.

Sakumo vaults up as well, gaze steady as he catalogues the statue, already trying to guess weak points. "What is that? What are you fighting?"

"You don't need to know," Kakashi warns. He thinks about hurting Sakumo again, just enough to put the man out of the fight. "I have to leave. We'll talk later."

"I'll come with you," Sakumo says.

Kakashi wavers. His dad was one of the greats, on par with the Sanin. From the old mission record Kakashi has dug up in his previous life, Sakumo has a clean record, a perfect jonin it seemed like. Turned down being the jonin commander and took less missions when Kakashi was born but he'd never lost that edge. He's still young now, he could grow into something great if only he had more time.

Sakumo wouldn't tell anyone either, because that would implicate Kakashi. Even if the man still thought Kakashi was stolen, Konoha won't just dismiss everything Kakashi has done – he's messed up Konoha missions before, leaked information. Sakumo is logical enough to know that Kakashi can't just go back, not without a plan.

Honestly, the travellers do need all the power they can get.

Kakashi nods. "Stay close. If things get out of hand, you have to run."

Kakashi gives him a quick explanation on Madara, the zetsu, and the Gedo Mazo statute's techniques and abilities, their known weaknesses and favoured attack combinations. Soon after, they reach the clearing around the cave, a huge circle of destroyed, cratered earth from all the jutsu thrown around.

A Taki-nin, down one arm, gasps when they catch sight of the White Fang. "Daddy's home!"

"Oh, daddy," a Kumo giggles, fanning himself with explosive tags. "I've been a good boy, I swear."

"Play with me, daddy!" the nearest Suna squeals before hurling a spear that sinks into a zetsu and implodes the clone.

In the background, the black zetsu has been restrained and Madara has summoned the Gedo Mazo statue, which isn't as powerful as the fully constructed ten-tails but still packs a punch. Orochimaru is working quickly with another seal master to summon the Edo Tensei bodies prepared earlier and out pops about six different dead Kages, including the first two Hokages.

Kakashi glances at his dad to check how the man is taking all of this.

Sakumo scans the battlefield, definitely notices the giant statue, and thinks that maybe it's more complicated than he first thought. But Kakashi is already rushing forward and so Sakumo summons wolves to the battle, diving into the chaos with a blazing white tanto in hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Skipping the fight because I can't do fight scenes~


	14. for now

After the battle many are badly injured, so despite the risk of staying and practically begging people to find them, they set up a quick camp to take care of the most critical before they move.

Sakumo is sitting on the ground cross-legged with a knocked out Kakashi in his lap, his left arm resting rather uselessly on the compacted dirt beside him. Kakashi has chakra exhaustion but he's not the worst off so Tsunade and the other competent healers are scattered elsewhere throughout the camp to help other people.

Jiraya is stretched out on his side opposite Sakumo with his mane of hair sweeping up dirt every time he turns, head propped up on a palm and right leg badly mangled, only held together by a splint. The first two Hokages are walking around just off to the side, discussing something in quiet voices.

Most travellers are spread out on the ground to recover their energy, either bragging about the skills they showed off during the fight or jokingly debating how best to murder the moon next, with tired but satisfied expressions.

They lost people and summons, but no one is sure how many. _Let's see who survives the night first_ , is all Tsunade said about it when Jiraya had asked before.

"I was on a solo mission," Sakumo is telling Jiraya. "I finished early and caught Kakashi's scent on the way back. I could say I found him out here. Bring him back with me..."

Sakumo side-eyes a samurai that moves past. Jiraya gave him the short version of the explanation, basically just summarised into; 'time travel because otherwise death'. Sakumo is pissed off at all three Sanin for hiding his son but does believe Jiraya because Kakashi blitzed through that fight - damn near gouged an eye out of the statue when it threw Sakumo into a tree.

Kakashi is so powerful now, has so many jutsu at hand that he couldn't have learned in such a short time even with the implanted Sharingan helping. He moves differently, has a different speech pattern and he fights together _with_ the group, like they'd been practicing and sparring as teammates.

They don't order him around - in fact no one takes orders, which shouldn't work. That's not how organisations work. Someone should be in control, guiding them, keeping them in line. Jiraya had said it was the mission that keeps these people focused, completely set on finishing and willing to die for it.

Kakashi has that same determination in his eyes and it's worrying.

Sakumo understands that Kakashi willingly chose this group for himself, because Sakumo is a naturally clear-headed person, he isn't so blinded by anger and worry that he'd miss what's right in front of him. But he still hates this. He wants his son, wants Kakashi safe and happy and with him.

"You can't take Kakashi back to Konoha," Jiyara points out, dragging Sakumo's attention back. "He's better out here - _needed_ out here. I could get him into the village again but he'd be strangled doing some bullshit D-rank gardening, stuffed into a team of _genin_."

"I'd take him on my missions," Sakumo argues, cradling Kakashi tighter against his chest. "He'd speed right through promotions."

Jiraya sighs with genuine regret. "Kakashi is so much better than that."

Sakumo grits his teeth. "I just want my son."

"He's older than you are, he can take care of himself." The Sanin lays a comforting hand on Sakumo's knee, which is the only part Jiraya can reach without moving and exacerbating his injuries. "I really am sorry but you've already missed his childhood, that's just how things are now. You can still be his father though; support him, stay in contact, meet up when things calm down. He's missed you too."

Jiraya actually has no idea what Kakashi feels towards Sakumo but the boy always seems inwardly eager to hear news of his dad so it must be at least affectionate.

Jiraya is also very aware that Kakashi is a part of this group and they do not tolerate losing resources, especially after getting thinned out during this battle. The travellers would get Kakashi back but Sakumo would go down swinging and it'll end in a pyrrhic victory.

Sakumo does think about it seriously, does let the words sink in because if Kakashi had shown even a bit of hesitation then Sakumo would already be halfway back to Konoha by now. Unfortunately, Kakashi was nothing but focused and absolutely deadly on the battlefield and Sakumo is _so fucking proud_ but he hates that he missed his son grow into this.

"Yeah. Okay. I know." Sakumo tilts his head to rub his cheek against Kakashi's hair and looks around. "Are these people trustworthy?"

Jiraya laughs and broken ribs turn it into a wheeze. The large man flops down onto the ground completely. "No. God no, I wouldn't trust these people with a pet rock. Tsunade will stay with the injured though; she'll heal him up and Kakashi can take care of himself from there."

A Shimo arrives at the tree line and whistles sharply to catch everyone's attention. "We've killed two scouting groups already! We need to move, it's too risky to stay here."

There's slow shuffling in the camp as people start to pack up.

Sakumo straightens up. "I'll help move everyone."

"You need to get back," Jiraya huffs, struggling into a sitting up position. "You spent a while tracking Kakashi, right? They'll ask why you've taken so much time, since Konoha must have noticed something big happened here. Don't make yourself more suspicious."

An absolute mountain of a man passes by, dressed in a long, hooded coat. The hood is down but a huge metal helmet obscures the rest of his features. Makeshift handles out of ninja wire and leather have been wrapped around two stretchers with heavily injured travellers, the man casually carrying them like shopping bags.

"Hey!" Jiraya waves at the traveller. "You got room for one more?"

The mountain changes direction and thuds over to them. He puts down one stretcher and holds out a huge hand silently. Sakumo takes a moment to reluctantly squeeze Kakashi a bit harder, get a lungful of the boy's scent, and then pass him over.

The traveller lifts Kakashi by the back of the boy's shirt, swings him around and dumps Kakashi in the lowered coat hood like it's a hammock. The mountain lifts the stretcher up again and continues on his way.

Sakumo stands up and murmurs a quiet goodbye, watching as his son is carried away along with the loose, stumbling crowd of travellers. Sakumo will take more missions outside and make sure to keep in contact. It's fine. Kakashi will be fine.

"Bye, daddy!" a Kusa calls out, waving.

Sakumo waves back. "Be safe! Take care of your little brother."

"Don't encourage them," Jiraya complains and pulls himself to his feet using Sakumo's good arm. "They even look the same age you right now! And they're actually old enough to be your parents."

"I quite like them," Sakumo admits.

The travellers pack up quickly, the injured carried out on stretchers or given a shoulder to lean on as they move. They're not done yet, still some loose ends to tie up later, but for now they make the trek back to Uzu.

Everything else comes after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone wants to take this up then I'd love for you to continue it!
> 
> I do have some ideas to start you off so please just ask if you want to (or check out the comments I've made in chapter 9). Also contact me anyway just so I can grab a link to your work and point people your way.
> 
> ...
> 
> Hashirama peers around the mountain of a man to get a peek at Kakashi and then leans over to Tobirama. "Hey, why do you think he has only one Sharingan?"
> 
> Tobirama frowns. "He's a Hatake, he probably ate the rest of the Uchiha."


End file.
